Stephen Colbert rolls out jokes about 'potentially hazardous' asteroid.

Stephen Colbert rolls out jokes about 'potentially hazardous' asteroid

"Dammit science, that is not close!"

If you were anywhere near the internet on Tuesday, you may well have seen some disturbing headlines about an asteroid "twice the size of the Empire State Building" whizzing close by Earth.

Well, as you might have guessed, the TL;DR is that the whole thing was completely blown out of proportion, the asteroid has been watched for years by astronomers, and it poses absolutely zero threat — something Stephen Colbert was quick to pick up on during his latest Late Show monologue.

"If you're watching this show right now, good news: The world did not end. Touch and go, because earlier today a large, 'potentially hazardous' asteroid passed by the Earth. Man, the Oscar campaign for Don't Look Up is out of control," the host says in the clip above. "The asteroid is called 1994 PC1, so it looks like Elon Musk will have to choose a different name for his next child."

After joking about the size comparisons people use to refer to asteroids, Colbert gets to the slightly-less-threatening heart of the story.

"It really sounds like we dodged a bullet — until you learn that the asteroid was '1.2 million miles away [...] about five times the distance from the Earth to the moon.'

"Dammit science, that is not close! We're already down here dealing with a pandemic, global warming, and the fall of democracy — our panic dance card is pretty full."

For what it's worth, if a hazardous asteroid ever was picked up by astronomers, here's what would actually happen.

Comments

  1. Do people still watch her ?

    ReplyDelete
  2. OK Mr. Colbert, and nobody said it was going to be close to the earth. In fact, what they said, is that it would pass by the earth at about 1.2 million miles away, which is exactly what it did. Nobody said it was going to hit the earth, and nobody said that it was going to be close. This dude doesn't even know how to write a joke, all he did was read the information that was given. THAT'S LIKE 5.5 TIMES THE DISTANCE TO THE MOON.... Very good, you can read. Now let's have you try and do some comedy for a change.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Always looks like someone punched in his right ear, maybe that’s why he’s so far left.

    ReplyDelete
  4. The Mexican news anchor Leonardo Shwebel is definitely sick and tired of all the idiotic bulltish (much like the rest of us). Thank you for sharing! Love the Late Show

    ReplyDelete
  5. I LOVE the Mexican newscaster.
    We desperately need him on American airwaves.

    ReplyDelete
  6. That newscaster pretty much did a good job explaining why anti-vaxxers are prolonging the pandemic.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Today I'm incredibly thankful for Stevie Wonder, Leonardo Schwebel, and as always Stephen Colbert and his crew (Including mister Batiste and his awesome band.)

    ReplyDelete
  8. Can anyone dispute how elegant and articulate Stevie Wonder is, he really is wonderful.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Truly. ❤♪♪

      Delete
    2. If you're sad, remember that the earth is billions of years old and you somehow managed to exist in the same time period as Stevie Wonder.

      Delete
    3. I could dispute it, but that wouldn't mean I'd be right... in fact, the opposite.

      Delete
  9. The filibuster isn’t working for democracy, why won’t you.
    Great words from a great legend!!!

    ReplyDelete
  10. As a Mexican I approve of the vehement but righteous response of the newscaster

    ReplyDelete
  11. That Mexican newscaster popped off like a piñata. I dip my hat at you.

    ReplyDelete
  12. As someone named Tish, I’m not even mad. Congress stop the bulltish.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I believe we have the making of a new legend with the Mexican news anchor. Your show is my favorite. Keep up the great work!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Stevie Wonder looks Great, ...he's gotta be 10 years older than I, but somehow he looks not just 10 younger, but 10 years gonna easily kick my ass! The man really is immortal. —Another great monologue worthy for the history books, shout out to the writers of this show and Mr. Colbert.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Stevie is the GOAT. Been around a long time and knows the truth.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You know he gets paid to say these things...wake up, kid.

      Delete
    2. Why are you here trolling?

      Delete
    3. I think she's lonely

      Delete
  16. We must protect Stevie at Allllllllllllll cost

    ReplyDelete
  17. "It is time for us to do what we have been doing and that time is everyday, everyday it is time for us to agree that there are things and tools that are available to us to slow this thing down"

    ReplyDelete
  18. As a latino man, i am very very orgulloso of that news anchor just going to town on anti-vaxxers. Bien hecho!

    ReplyDelete
  19. i've had enough of it too. i'm tired of losing people to this.

    ReplyDelete
  20. It sounds better in Spanish!

    ReplyDelete
  21. Great show!!!
    Vote blue!!!!!
    Stick together& get rid of the GQP bigots !

    ReplyDelete
  22. That Mexican newscaster—that felt soooo good to watch. Bring him on your show, he’s a hero.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Stephan is the best late show host on TV.
    Yes, I'm sure they are all saints but Colbert is the one who dares.

    ReplyDelete
  24. That newsreader from Mexico speaks for most of the world I think. We've all wanted to do that at least once.

    ReplyDelete
  25. That’s what the news should be like. He said everything that needed to be said. Wonder if that news anchor and Mr. Stevie Wonder should join forces.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Showing those Congress People made me think of Yoda saying, "When 900 years old you wait, look as good you will not." ;) ;D ;D

    ReplyDelete
  27. I'm conflicted. Who was the best? Stevie Wonder on the filibuster or the Mexican Newscaster on covid?
    Bulltish is a classic!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Stay informed!